Hello Y’all, It’s Me Candace…

Man. It’s been an incredibly long time since I’ve been on here writing. Quite frankly, I was feeling ashamed at my unintentional absence. Days turned into a week…weeks turned into a month…months turned into over a year. Smh. Yes, I’m actually shaking my head. I’ve been uninspired almost the entire time I’ve been absent. Life really just has been a lot to tackle over the past couple of years. I could go on with specifics, but I’m sort of a private person and out of respect for my family I won’t indulge.

Otherwise, I’m truly excited to be back! I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared my name but by now you’ve probably figured out that it’s Candace. I just wanted to reintroduce myself but in a private, personable way. Look, plenty of influencers take breaks and I’m no different. I never thought I would NEED a break from blogging because I loved it so much but this time off has taught me a ton! As a matter of fact, that’s the reason I wanted to start off by telling you guys my name. I intend to exude parts of my personality more in this style blogging thing-a-ma-jig. Y’all ready? Set? Let’s go! Let’s see what I come up with! To be continued…

Why I Needed a Blogging & Social Media Break…

I swear I never thought I’d get back to the point of being excited about blogging again. Quite frankly, blogging had become more of a chore and pretty much a bore…no “bars” intended lol.

If you’re a blogger of any kind, I think you can probably relate to how ruthless the blogging world can be. Since I hate drama and am content in my own little bubble, putting myself “out there” got me more than I bargained for. I expected more comraderary from fellow bloggers but ya’ll competition is real out here…even if you’re not competing. I won’t spend much more time on that negativity but to say with real things going on in life, I couldn’t fathom letting trivial bits of pettiness and mean girl personas to move me in any way. I had to focus on getting me back to my best self.

In the midst of blogging, I think I neglected myself more than I realized. Truth is, I neglected myself a ton! I spent a lot of time researching info, growing my Instagram and social media influence and that left little time to really take care of me. I’ve talked about some health issues I have before and not putting myself first was having a negative effect on those pre-existing issues. The oxymoron of it all is that all you saw was me writing about what I was wearing, my skin, my self care solutions. Sadly, I let…myself…go.

As if my own self sabatoge wasn’t enough, our family suffered a few losses last year. One loss this year. Yes I said a few and then one. Mentally, everyone who loses a loved one needs time to reflect and gather themselves to be emotionally fit to move forward. That’s just reality. When you have children, you need more time because children need consoling and nurturing. Ours (hubby’s and mine) are at the age where they are “aware” and have questions, legit ones, about the situation surrounding the death. After they are “okay”, us parents need to usher into self care.

I’m currently on that journey of self care. I suffered extreme hair loss, skin flare ups of all kinds including hives, acne and eczema, headaches, joint and muscle pain and more things that I’ll not have to mention because the above is enough. I had to get these things in order and fast! To resolve these issues calls for more than just some sort of salve or serum. Deep research, medical help and just re-acquainting myself with my body again was essential. Now while I am still in process, I am discovering other fruits that need pruning or plucking from my life. Not that they’re necessarily bad but they provide no enrichment or “nutrition” to me as a person or to my life.

Folks…rid yourself of people, habits, so called goals, mindsets, platforms, loves and hates that don’t help you to be a better person. We grow physically but mental health and growth is just as important…actually more important. Social media is social. It’s not essential in order for us to survive. If IG was shut down for good, if YouTube was outlawed, where would that leave you? I had to ask myself if I was too deeply enthralled with something that encourages faux realities. I actually became a part of it. I looked like I took better care of myself that I actually did. That’s the long and short of it. And look, we all neglect ourselves from time to time but I was extreme. I saw problems and put them off making excuses of not having time. Buy out time. (I got that straight from the Bible lol.) It will cost time from something else but its worth it.

Where am I now? Well I am still a blogger and I have some posts that will be coming out but I am pacing myself. I don’t have to post a new look every day or every three days. I’ve decided on once per week. Maybe a lookbook in between. I’m working on my social media plan but it can not overtake my life. Perspective is important and I’ve put things in perspective.

That being said, I am working on some things that I will share a little later. Hopefully, you guys will be as excited as I am about them!

Smelling the Flowers (Blog Life Update)

Life is always sending us humans through unpredicted twists and turns and this can either make us happy or make us feel a host of negative emotions. I’ve had my own twists and turns lately that have limited the amount of posting that I have been able to offer on here. I thought it would be nice to offer you all that are apart of my blogging family a tiny explanation of what is new and going on.

So, if you haven’t noticed I am now in a new space on the internet (www.thestylecake.com). I have been doing so much to get this site up and running and it has not been easy. It has been almost a year in the making of research and reading so that I could build my website myself without the help of a professional. I’ve been quite frustrated with this site, with false starts and hopes and thinking that I would never be able to get it up. I am very proud of myself because after much trial, error and anguish, I have been able to get my site up and functioning. I still have some tweaking to do but overall, I am very proud of this blog’s new home. This allows me to work better with companies and have freedoms that I did not have before. That being said, lets talk the aspect of blogging…

I have been doing this blogging thing (other platforms included) for over 7 years. I’ve been on Blogspot and Blogger as well as WordPress. I’ve been on WordPress the longest and I absolutely love it! It’s definitely more complex than the other two platforms but it works better for me. 

While blogging, I’ve had the opportunity to “meet” other bloggers online as well as meeting some in my geographic area. While I have met some bloggers that are absolutely encouraging and positive, I have noticed that some are not so friendly. I must admit that it CAN totally be discouraging and disheartening. The reality of it for me is that I have real life going on while for some, their biggest problems are comparing their own “successes” to others. I once read that comparison is the thief of joy and that statement could not be more true! If you spend time worried about what any other blogger (or person for that matter) is doing then you miss the pleasures of blogging and the pleasures of life. I’ve also seen the lack of support from some of the other bloggers. Not just to me, but to other bloggers that I follow. It seems if a blogger seems more successful, some may get envious and refuse to offer the support they once had. Trying to dim the light of others will never make your light shine brighter. It’s nothing wrong with encouraging, uplifting and supporting others. 

This alone made me give a side eye and with real life going on at my house and I needed a minute from looking at the faces of some negative and envious people. I’ve noticed the buying of followers of some bloggers (or the copying of other blogger’s styles and looks) who in turn are angry about the success of those that work hard to move forward in their blogging careers, even accusing others of doing what they themselves have done. Smh. I just don’t have time for this nonsense. Throwing a tantrum because you view others as beneath you (and discounting THEIR hard work) despite their successes won’t change the fact that they work hard! Side note: People are drawn to VALUABLE content. 

I am a mom and wife before I am a blogger so I have lately had some twists and turns that I wasn’t expecting in life. If you guys only knew, smh. My husband (and photographer) has been my wonderful through all of life’s hiccups. I was taught, to never broadcast all of your family’s business as news. It’s never a good idea. So I tend to keep my Instagram and blog site all about business. I’ve set my blog a certain way. It is all about style (fashion) and lifestyle so I want to share with others how to do certain things, style concepts as well as sharing the things that I like and not wild shifts in emotions. Companies are definitely more drawn to practicality over personal feelings (that have nothing to do with fashion and style) if you catch my drift. 

I’ve worked hard to get my blog here, which I hardly view myself as a blogger with a vast audience or “following”. I have my own path and blogging style, I also work every single day. Blogging can’t be done in a casual way and get the results  of someone who works every day. Knowing this, I’ve been busting my rump in hopes of moving my train forward. I’m smelling the flowers sort to speak, going with the flow and accepting this process no matter how “slow”. 

The weather has infringed on my creativity because I’m not in the cooler weather mind frame. I’m ready for spring! I’ll be doing spring looks as soon as it feels spring but transitional looks in the meantime. If there’s something you’d like to see, let me know! I have more exciting news to share in the future, I hope that you all stick around to read it! 

Now back to blogging 💋….